The spoof article reported that Denise Palermo, upon turning 29, had knocked a few more items off her list of desirable traits for a partner. With looks, intelligence, sensitivity, financial security already crossed off, she was basically left with hair and bumping up her age ceiling from 40 to 45.
I like men, a lot, as friends…and more! But as an, um, older woman, I’ve watched a lot, read a lot, experienced a lot and have many women friends. There are patterns.
The dating pool for men, especially if good looking and/or (and it’s an important “or”) financially secure is….women of any age. The dating pool for women is men their own age or older, and at a rapidly diminishing rate.
So, sadly, the article wasn’t much of a stretch from the truth.
Between 20-30 the dating pool is pretty evenly matched, maybe even skewed a bit toward women simply because women are looking for actual “traits” in potential partners and so turn down many potential suitors. Many hook up with (and yes, I’m using that in the “have sex with” sense) bad boy Alphas, but then marry their best friends, even if a bit of a Beta. These are the marriages probably most like to last.
But as women age, the “good men” get taken, rapidly. That leads many unmarried women to make some rash decisions as they approach 30.
Their friends are getting married. They spend all their time and money being bridesmaids or trying to catch a bouquet. The clock is ticking. And so, if some guy meets her minimum requirements, the answer is “yes.”
The entire cycle often repeats itself again between 35-50 after many first marriages hit the skids. Men must be married — someone to take care of them and adore them. Replacement wives.
Women, however, make one of three basic decisions.
1. I want to get married at any cost.
For a variety of reasons they want to be married, and they are willing to compromise on the “to whom” part. That’s not a bad thing. Just a choice.
2. Screw it.
I’m financially okay — or in some cases better than just okay — and I’m too tired, too happy on my own, too independent, too frustrated or too angry to go through another potentially bad or disastrously ending relationship.
3. Cautiously optimistic.
I would like another relationship but I’m not desperate and so choose to wait until Mr. Right comes along, knowing the odds aren’t in my favor, but feeling I’m worth it. In the meantime, I’m (relatively?) happy!
For those actively seeking to get married, by 35 many single women drop their requirements for a partner to not
having being treated being actively treated for anything listed in the Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or having been arrested, convicted, convicted for a felony, convicted for a felony in this country within the past ten years. And even those are negotiable. After all, some sociopaths can be quite charming.
Esquire magazine recently ran an article assuring women that some men still find women sexually attractive at 42, and are even willing to have sex with them! Wow, how reassuring, and magnanimous!
But, other men are not so generous. The Huffington Post ran an blog by a woman told by a man that he couldn’t get turned on by her aging body.
I’ve got news for you Mister — ear hair, a bulbous nose, sagging chest, pot belly, old-man-ass and knobby knees aren’t all that thrilling either. But women are more likely to overlook those atrocities for love, companionship — even money (in which case it’s just “close your eyes and think of England”).
And so by age 50 — if in a hurry to find a relationship all that’s left for women in terms of realistic requirements is the ability to exchange oxygen for carbon dioxide.
For women who are willing to
settle compromise, online dating may be the answer. There are a number of men of various not necessarily good types available there.
Some helpful hints: present yourself as red hot sexy, not too smart, amenable to whatever your potential partner’s interests are, and — most importantly — be ready to tell Mr. Online “looking for my last first date” that he’s perfect in every way — at least till you’re married.
There are lots of successful second (and third!) relationships/marriages. Few of them, however, began with desperation on the part of either party.
With Esquire pointing out that men are generous to the point of being “willing” to have sex with Mrs. Robinsons like ….Sofia Vergara, Cameron Diaz, and maybe even Jennifer Garner, is it any wonder that some women say “screw it”?!
Over 50 women join the Grandma Moses category with Helen Mirren, Susan Sarandon and Charlotte Rampling.
But yet, many women choose to believe good things come to those who wait, and sometimes they do! Hollywood tells you that Mr. Right is right around the corner. I know a women who actually met her husband sitting next to him on a plane, just like in the movies! I also know women who meet meet the occasional “prince” online who aren’t good matches for them, but introduce them to friends.
The key point is — the decision, ladies, is yours. There are men out there, it’s just a question of what you want.